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Saturday, January 14, 2006

embarkment

DOUBLE CONSCIOUSNESS | SSENSUOICSNOC ELBUOD

I was born with this strange ability to see beyond a single perspective - My cultural upbringing vs. my Western environment and education. As a result, this has probably lead to my ability to subsume myself in any subculture and possibly attributes to my somewhat schizophrenic existence.

Not having lived or really experienced anything outside of North America and having pursued western education to its ends, I feel embedded as a Westerner almost to the point of denying my roots. I have developed intolerance to prejudices, knowing far well that I can function in this society that I was raised in just as well as anyone else. I even feel I have an advantage as a minority having broader knowledge and awareness of the world and providing difference and diversity.

The question is how will I fair when confronted with this alternate world that is somehow more deeply my own than the one I have lived and gotten to know so well? Will my primal knowledge of my native language flood back to me as it did when I first learned to talk? Understanding of a language at such a level is an automatic understanding of the culture.

How well do I know my own culture? Has my parents’ non-insular liberal upbringing stunted my appreciation of my family background? Am I simply another Westerner fascinated by an exotic other (even when I am myself that other)?

Alternate universes are partially what keep me sane. To be trapped in a single world would suffocate me as the suburbs did through my adolescence. I hope to discover and re-discover a world that I should know, to broaden my insight and to bring meaning to my current primary existence in Montreal.

People of hyphenated identities always have issues with never feeling quite at home anywhere - Being too Western for the East and too Eastern for the West. Canada is, however, more generous to that than other places. Trinh Minh-Ha probably speaks about that better than I do and attempts to blur distinctions between the two. I personally have no identity issues – flicking on and off various switches as I please. It’s kind of fun. (We'll see how I fair - I will also be seeking my own 'Western' interests). Double Consiousness = critical edge on both parts.

My mantra:

To be critical of everything – to be versatile and nomadic – to see multiple perspectives – to not get tied down, or trapped in ideology – to somehow find stability within temporality.

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